Confessions of an Angry Woman

I think I redefined the definition of Hell this weekend as I had my face about two inches away from the toilet seat while I was cleaning and a Phil Collins song came on the radio. I remember someone asking Eric once what it was like to be married and he replied that there was always hair every where. My reply is, I know I'm not the one peeing around the toilet. I can't help the fact that I shed like a Shetland pony (and I have this long hair for his pleasure in the first place - if it were up to me I think I wouldn't mind shaving it all off) but surely, with practice, he could learn how to aim strait. This is just an example of things that I think about when my emotions are on edge as I experience a visit from Aunt Flo every month. So . . . . in honor of the occassion, I would like to list some of the things that are popular, mainstream, follow the crowd persons, situations, or the like that I absolutely cannot stand. I invite others to stand up for what they believe in and do the same.

1. Oprah
Some may think it's sacrilege to say so, especially since Oprah has allegedly set up her own religion, but I have always absolutely hated Oprah. Praised in years past as one of the most generous people in the world fails to impress as the measely $40 million she's donated pales in comparison with her estimated $2.5 BILLION net worth. But, you may contend, she gives away cars to teachers! Wake up people! That is almost certainly not Oprah's doing but the advertisers who love to have her far-reaching endorsement on their product. But - another arguement - she has little boys with cancer on her show! Yeah - to which she shows about a minute of her sympathy before going off on her new fabulous outfit she wore on the cover of her magazine where SHE IS ALWAYS FEATURED! Yuck! I cannot stand this women and see her for what she really is.

2. Tom Hanks
Note: I did not make this decision based on the rude comment he recently made in regard to the mormons, however, it has just gone to prove that I was right in my opinion of him all along. Tom Hanks is an ok actor as far as one character is concerned. This character is Josh in Big, Scott in Turner and Hootch, and Joe in You've Got Mail. Other than that, his acting skills, in my opinion, are less than marginal. He isn't even handsome! The only thing positive I can say about the man is that he has been married to the same woman despite all his fame - my guess is no one else will have him.

3. Seinfield
Ugh!!!! Can I have just one conversation with someone without them making a reference to the worst show on the face of the planet?! This 90's show of low-life, self-hating, womenizing characters absolutely drives me nuts - probably more than it should considering everyone else in the world seems to think it is the greatest show on earth! Jerry's jokes about riding in the elevator or putting on a seatbelt in a car could have been thought up by my five-year-old nephew. The ugly and stupid male characters are always going out with beautiful, smart women who are supposidely crazy about them and yet the men always find something wrong with them and dump them. The only thing that is a little entertaining in the show is Kramer and even his theatrical symantics get old REALLY fast. PLEASE respect my feelings on this show and don't EVER mention it around me!

4. The Twilight Series
Ok - I'm probably going to make some enemies on this one but I couldn't face myself if I didn't say something. These books (at least the two I forced my way through) are terrible!!! The writing is that of a first-grader, the characters are the most annoying characters ever imagined and the plot is mildly interesting although definitely bordering on sacrilege. But, you contend once again, it's written by a MORMON! Hey - Mormons can be influenced by the Devil too - case in fact, the bishop who was just accused of molesting teenage girls. Think about it - this book is influencing hundreds of thousands of our girls and pointing them in a direction of gothisim, perfection in a mate, and damning their souls for a chance at immortality with a monster. I'm just saying - probably not the best thing they could be reading. Despite the message, I think it's sick that grown women have a crush on a boy who's either 17 or 120 years old. I can see the appeal to teenagers but seriously - wouldn't you be freaked out if someone watched you sleep? That and Bella's endless pining over Edward makes me want to throw up and I consider myself a helpless romantic. It's also very anti-clamatic. In the two books I did read, right before the action they spend time on a boring plane ride where a number of things could have already taken place. I tried, I really did but these books are not worth it as book ends.

5. Josh Groban
His voice is pretty good. Once again, I probably wouldn't hate him if everyone didn't love him so much. The kid has a pretty good voice but that's it. I don't think he's anything new. I don't think he can hold a candle to real opera singers such as Andrea Bocelli and Jose Carreras. Dare I even say that I think David Archuleta is a better singer, although he hasn't had the same level of training. Once again, I think it's gross that grown women fixate on a 17 year old boy (ok, so he's older now but that's when the craze began, right?).

Oh! I wish I could go on forever, but my son has woken up and by the time I can get back to this, I'll probably be done with my period. I might just have to add to it again next month!